The Chronicle of Life

(My deep gratitude to this friend, for an awakening email though i have to translate it in advance, yet i have found the answers of my quests within these last few weeks and this email is one of the support of my recent “state” to live my life..)

Connecting to Heaven & Earth Messenger
Sign in…
God: Do you call me?
Me: Call you? Nope.. Who’s this?
God: This is God. I heard your prayer. So I want to talk to you.
Me: Yes, i do pray, it just to make myself feel better. But now, I’m busy. Very busy.

God: Busy? Busy of what? Ants are busy as well.
Me: Well, i don’t know. But the point is i don’t have time. Life is just like a rush. Every minutes turn as busy.
God: Exactly. Activity makes you busy. Activity spends time. But productivity gives time.
Me: I know that. But i still can’t avoid it. Actually, i never expect God would asked me to chat like this..
God: I want to overcome your problems by the time, by giving you several clues. In this internet era, I want to use the more compatible medium for you rather than dreams for example.

Me: Alright, now tell me why is Life so complicated?
God: Stop analyzing life. Live it. Analysis makes life complicated.

Me: Then why do we –human being, never felt so happy?
God: Today is the “tomorrow” of your been-worried yesterday. You become worried because you analyzed. Being-worried becomes your custom. That what makes you don’t feel happy.

Me: But how come we’re not worried when there are so many uncertainty?
God: Uncertainty is inevitable. But to-be-worried is a choice.

Me: But there is so much pain because of the uncertainty.
God: Pain is inevitable. But to-be-suffer is a choice.

Me: If suffer is a choice then why do all good people always suffer?
God: Diamond couldn’t be made without cutting. Gold couldn’t be purified without fire. Good people wouldn’t passed the tests without suffering. by those experiences their lives are getting better, not worse.

Me: You mean the bitterness is worthwhile?
God: Yes. In every side. Experience is the best teacher. Teacher that gives the test first then give its lesson.

Me: But why do we all have to past all of the tests? Why couldn’t we just live our lives without any problem?
God: Problems are the tools to enhance the mental power.The power inside of you burst out through the struggles and troubles instead of the comfort.

Me: Honestly, in the middle of these toughness i just don’t know where to go..
God: if you see outside then you wouldn’t know where to go. See inside of you. To see outside, you’re dreaming. To see inside, you’re awaken. Eyes give you sight, Heart gives you direction.

Me: Sometimes failure makes me suffer. What can i do?
God: Success is the measure made by others.Satisfaction is the measure made by yourself. To know the objective of your journey will give you satisfaction than to know that you are walking. Work with the compass, let others chasing with time.

Me: Within the hard times, how do i keep carry on?
God: Always take a look of how far you have walked, rather than how far you still have to walk. Always count on what you got to be grateful on, do not count what you don’t get.

Me: What is so interesting of human kind?
God: If they’re suffering, they ask “why should i?” But when they’re happy, they NEVER ask “Why should i?”

Me: Sometimes i wonder, who am i, why do i’m here?
God: Do not looking for who you are, DETERMINE what you want to be. Stop searching why you are here. CREATE the objective.
Life is not a searching process, it is a CREATING process.

Me: How could i gain the best in this life?
God: Face your past without regret. Hold the present with the faith. Prepare the future without fear.

Me: My last question, God.. I feel like my prayers are not answered..
God: There’s no prayer I wouldn’t answer. But sometimes the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you God, for such a beautiful chat.
God: Okay, keep holding your faith, and put away your fear. Life is a mystery to reveal, not a problem to solve. Life is beautiful if you know how to live. Trust Me.

……..God has signed out

I have read some scientific words bout how love or romance works.

"…There
are the flowers you buy and the poetry you write and the impulsive trip
you make to the other side of the world just so you can spend 48 hours
in the presence of a lover who’s far away. That’s an awful lot of
busywork just to get a sperm to meet an egg–if merely getting a sperm
to meet an egg is really all that it’s about. …"

"…Human beings make a terrible fuss about a lot of things but
none more than romance. Eating and drinking are just as important for
keeping the species going–more so actually, since a celibate person
can at least continue living but a starving person can’t. Yet while we
may build whole institutions around the simple ritual of eating, it
never turns us flat-out nuts. Romance does…."

It does pretty well make sense for me.
That words are quite shaking indeed, and i admit–more or less–that’s what i am now.

However, so passionated i am on you that i will neglect if what i am having with you now called romance.

Cause, yes for sure, i am expecting hot "session" in marriage
but that are just what so called as "one from many" to be with you. Perhaps you wonder, so from 1 as top excitement to 10, which number
would be given for sex…, honestly for me that would be the fifth.

The first and and the second is gonna be your very existence for
me. It gives an unlimited stimulation on my particular jolt in brain to emit some dopamine hormones to achieve something great, push me over
the edge to do more, and eventually dedicate the result for both of us
to gain a happier life. Your existence for me means thousands of
support that i need to run my life faster. It is like an additional
supper booster that if it is missing, it is gonna be adversely happened. The third would be carrying your kids inside of me, it’d be felt like a magic. And the fourth is relieving you from all roughness in these rough world.

—its time for mumbling—

* why in the world do you always write tiresome-lame stuffs…??!!
what??!!…,
hell no!!… i just wanna show the real me…, my reasons of
demanding my love mate. Ok, to be my hubby…satisfied?!

* well i believe he doesn’t need that…
why don’t you ask then?
Hey You…, is it true…, that you don’t wanna hear that reasons from me…
come on, convince my "symbion" that we (me and my symbion)  are not making a wrong decision.
Since even though it is only a virtual symbion on me, it takes a dominant stakes on me… i can’t beat it by my self….

*so while we’re waiting for the answer, lets argue about others…
Fine, I’m in!

* Putin’s things?…or perhaps American election’s things are
better… how nice would it be if  Hillary gets her way to white
house… or –actually– why the hell did you tell  about sex…, its always considered as taboo, y’know!!??…
Sorry this symbion is a lil bit conservative and pervert at the same time…the topic is for R-E-A-L..d’ohh..

* so whats the lameness of putin…
I’m making it out…, and i believe you just ruining my joyful day of passionating and being passionated…

* what a perv you are…
I can take it… and lets continue the argue next time, shall we?!

Note:
You: remain under search.. haha!  

Setelah dipikir-pikir dan ditelaah ulang, pengen jugak nulis sesuatu yang enak dibaca, ga bikin mumet, dan lebih "normal"…

My Personal Hell(s): (dari yg kelas bulu sampe yg kelas berat..)

.Dapet tempat duduk paling atas kalo lagi ada kelas di teater, apalagi kalo yg ikut lebih dr 100, hadoohh..harus akomodasi maksimum en ujung-ujungnya bakalan males aslinya cuman cari alibi buat escape..*licik*

.Kepanasan..summer is great, really, tp kalo "over-heat" kayanya irritating jugak deh! *usap kringet*

.Pas naik angkot yang lagi full, trus ada yang ngerokok jedhas jedhus  apalagi ditambah kalo pak sopir yg terhormat nyetel lagu disko dangdut or lagu2 endonesa yg skrg lagi happening (ga apal judulnya tp liriknya yg "jangan pernah kau selingkuh" pake suara tiga itu, ato yg "jangan jangan..kau menolak cintaku.." jadi terngiang-ngiang seharian..menuh-menuhin space memory utak saya yg kecil ini sahaja! :nohope:)

.Solitude…ditinggal sohib-sohib ke pulau antah berantah curhat-colongan..hiks… terus aku sama sapah?? huhuhu..

.Nganggur…ga ngapa-ngapain, ga tau mesti ngapain.. kaya sekarang ini.. jadi sedikit agak mulay satu langkah menuju degradasi mental… hhhhh… -_-

.Not connected to internet for more than 3 months (threshold nya less than 3 months..kwekewkewewk)

.Kebelet poop ataw leaking tapi ga ada toilet yg "layak-pakai" around..Sumpah,  that’s HARD!!

.Nungguin kabar my hubby bubly (halah!warnanya mbok..)…beginilah permaynan klasik lelaki dan wanita ohh sungguh nista…

.PMS (no further explanation, sayah jugak ndak ngerti koq…memang bener-bener hebuatt kerjaan hormon wanitah inih..)

.Dimarahin ibuk… *berkaca-kaca*..my mom itu sabar n jarang marah..kalo sampe marah..berarti emg aku sudah crossed the line…kangen ummi mode ON

Weiitsss..
Rasanya koq tidak bersyukur atas kehadiratNya kalo tidak di list pulak Personal Heaven(s) nyah..
hehehhe..
(teuteup muley kelas bulu sampe kelas kambveng):

.Angin sepoy-sepoy di siang hari yg mendung.. wihihiih..

.Minum es kelapa muda pake sirup cocopandan setelah bermayn ersopgan yg melelahkan..sluurrpp..

.The clear sky at night, with heaps of crystal stars, planets, and crescent.. hummm…sumber insrisapi :hammer:

.Baca buku-buku yg menghibur semacem bikinan om paulo, sekarang pengennya Brida.. tapi koq ya basa portugal (bukan SPANYOL!) yahh..hummm..edisi basa linggis..penen beli ah..nabung nabung..

.Punya kitchen set yg complete; oven, stove, griller, semuwa muwanyah… (tar kalo married maharnya kitchen set sahaja ahh..)

.Tidur nyenyak di malam hari…dalam sebulan belum tentu mukjizat ini bisa terjadih selama seminggu *yawning*

.Doing extra-ordinary things semacem diving and explore those beautiful coral reefs, and colourful fishes.. puingin.. apalagi setelah diiming-iming seorang wambing *siul* ini masup ke acara hanihmunn lahh…cihuurr

.Ke spot2 keren over the world; terutama holy land, trus Latinos.. hehehe..kalo ini ga bisa waktu hanimun kayanya..harus solitude..

.Dipelukciumin my beautiful mom

.Wake up in the morning while me and my lovely babygirl in the arm of my hubby…
hwaaaaaaaaa…hiks… maaoo

Ingtinya…silakan ambil hikmahnya sendiri-sendiri.. :Peace:

I attempt to write to know my higher-self in order to feel Him. As that time arrives i would expect to understand Him; both consciously and subconsciously. Not only for the rules i ought to obey, but more likely to sense His presence within.
And my first practical little step is to have a deeper sense in every part of me and my life. I should start to sense that a new beginning is coming in an old
relationship. What had become routine almost to the point of feeling
stale is slowly but surely having new life breathed into it -it’s
almost like a whole new ballgame. There’s no way of knowing what
has caused this resurrection of my deep feelings, yet i am being
grateful for it. New things are possible, and i should open my mind
to that fact. It’s okay to have hope again. Isn’t it?

Yet, the strangeness is not ended there.

Couple minutes later I’ve got the e-mails from my soul mate about her personal disaster.      

From: "Soul Mate"
To: fatimah.alkaff
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 8:37 AM
Subject: its fucking annoying

okey..hun i made up my mind, this morning everything was just fucking annoying, i believe tht they asked me too much, it’s not worth a penny. i’m heading home baby!! soon!! pretty soon!

hopefully u were there, but i wish u were here no..i wish i was there and never here..i regret it..

misao earliche
————————————————————-
From: fatimah.alkaff
To: "Soul Mate" 
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 9:47 AM
Subject: Re: its fucking annoying

oooooooooohh… what’s wrong with you, dear?? going home? wes seneng2 nya skrg2 ae.. hehehe…

atauw ini cuman a while? krn sangat depressing lately?
humm..i’m here
————————————————————-
From: "Soul Mate"
To: fatimah_alkaff@yahoo.com
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 10:11 AM
Subject: Re: its fucking annoying

iya jeung…kok skrg masa depanku disini jadi gak jelas, aku bakalan ngegantiin di lab untuk waktu yang tidak tertentu dan itu membuatku muak karena aku disuruh ngeajarin yg bakal ngegantiin aku ttg nir semuanya, dan masih gak jelas nantinya apa aku bakal balik ke nir atau enggak, jadi bayangan rapendik jadi semakin jelas, aku duduk didepan mike (atau mungkin enggak, jd produser misal), cas cis cus dalam basa inggris (atau g) dengan partner bernama randy (ngayal) dan ngumpulin sen ke sen, penny ke penny supaya new year in petronas masih bisa terlaksana, dan aku akan berusaha.. semuanya menjadi jauh lebih jelas sekarang, disini terlalu banyak yang aku sacrifice hanya untuk mendapat secuil kenyamanan, rumah yang nyaman tanpa teriakan dan omelan, angkutan berangkat dari ngemis tiap orang yg lewat, dan bos yg punya sikap paling aneh sejagat dan yah tdk terlalu berperasaan, rasanya it soo not worth a penny…soo not worthy to sacrifise with.. motivasi uang sudah tidak bisa membuatku bertahan…rasanya its not right to sacrifise myself for lotta things here for just a xxx million repes..soo not wise..

yahh aku tau sebagian besar ego, idealisme dan ketidakdewasaan bicara (temen jg kasih advice macam ini) tapi aku berpikir (walopun aku masih belum menentukan tanggal) dan menimbang…memang belum jaminan (atau bahkan pasti) ditempat kerja yg lain aku akan dapat hal serupa..tapi disini di kalsel masih terlalu jauhhh..ahhhh..

any comment jeung..i need ur word soo much…i know u are the best in this..plis help me cheer me or do anything…anything…im spitting in every second in my mouth and my heart..its not healthy..not me..

suffering me
————————————————————-
From: fatimah.alkaff
To: "Soul Mate" 
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 10:35 AM
Subject: Re: its fucking annoying

Iya dear…aku amat sangat bisa membayangkan..karena emang ada beberapa org yg bisa sacrifice banyak hal demi hal yg bahkan gak worthwhile (buat kita).. tp untuk qta yg "mengutamakan kenyamanan" hal itu sama sekali doesn’t make sense!

Saranku cuman 1 : yang bisa ambil keputusan cuman kamu! do what you FEEL it is right to do. Why "FEEL" not "THINK"? karena kalo udh masalah kek gini (i.e: kenyamanan dll) itu amat sangat subyektif dan ga bisa diukur dengan standard yg sama. Others might say "ohh kamu tidak dewasa tidak compromise tidak adaptable dg keadaan yg ada" .. Yah pasti dong each of us punya prinsip sendiri2, each of us punya nilai2 utama yg pengen kita pertahankan..so called idealism.. right?! inget waktu kamu di its radio? itu kan kamu mempertahankan idealism mu..walaupun keadaannya ga nyaman tp kamu bisa survive. kalo hal ini, beda lagi! apalagi alasanmu karena uang.. jangan kan xxx juta.. 2x lipatnya aja aku ga dukung kalo itu bisa mengebiri potensi2 mu, bakat2mu, apalagi sampe menumpas "idealisme"mu… seakan2 kamu ga berdaya dan ga ada pilihan lain selain btahan.. "timbang gak blas.." Hell no! mending gak blass drpd suffering.. ya gak sih bo’? kalo menurut beberapa org mungkin pandanganku kek gini ini sangat egois, mentingin diri sendiri, ga mau berkompromi atau ngalah or whatsoever..pembelaanku cuman satu, belajar ngalah ama membiarkan diri kita dikebiri itu beda bung! Kalo segini aja qta kehilangan idealisme, gmana 20 taun lg kalo qta udh umur 40 thn? paling gak, do something, at least one thing yg bener2 kamu inginkan… that makes u feel like YOU ARE! masalah uang itu hand in hand dg profesionalisme qta.. desainer sepatu kek apa kek… yg pasti gak kaya gini caranya.. manolo blahnik aja bisa?! (hehehe!)

we know something goes wrong when we feel it. dan coba tanya jujur prasaanmu.. do you think it is the right thing to do?? (terlepas dr framing waktu.. i mean, jangan pake alasan "sementara ini bla bla bla.." karena yg namanya right or wrong itu out of time and space..)

hufff..

you know what i mean kan?

tp sekali lg it’s just me…..

u’re the one who runs your life. aku ndak mau kamu nyesel krn dengerin aku, atau karena ga dengerin aku.

but sincerely, aku nyaranin ini, because i do care about you, not only for five years later, but more likely for forty years later and for the rest of your life…

cupz.

hugs and kisses. and prayer for you as always.

————————————————————-
From: "Soul Mate"
Subject: Re: its fucking annoying
To: fatimah_alkaff@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, June 10, 2008, 11:21 AM

setuju!! apalagi seakan semua beban ada ditanganku, beban yang seenaknya ditinggalkan seseorang yg pengen lari dari kenyataan bahwa dia sendiri yg menerima pekerjaannya yg sekarang (si nisa maksutnya) aku harus ngerjain dua pekerjaan hanya karena aku satu2nya yg bs diharapkan. aku tahu apa yang akan aku lakukan, aku akan menunjukkan my bargaining position…my power… aku akan ke ruangan foxy dan bilang "saya nggak mau pak!" atau "kalau saya tidak mau dengan tawaran bapak bgmn?" (mnrtmu mana yg lbh oke?) dan akan diteruskan dg "karena setelah saya berfikir bahwa saya memang benar2 datang kesini bukan untuk menjadi analis lab dan tidak akan menjadi analis lab, beberapa waktu yang lalu saya bermurah hati, tapi sekarang saya berdiri pada pendirian saya, prinsip saya tidak jadi analis lab atau tidak sama sekali! jadi saya memutuskan saya akan berhenti bila memang option untuk tidak menjadi analis lab itu tidak ada. saya akan tetap mengajari mas didi (pnggantiku yg jg sdh pnah training nir) sampai dia mengerti semuanya dan saya akan pergi. karena maaf saja pak say tidak akan mau menjadi analis lab dadakan disini! mohon kebijakan bapak!"

gimane menurut loh…aku rasanya berpikir ini mgkn pengalaman berharga bwt aku, pengalaman kerja di bawah keadaan paling tidak menyenangkan sedunia (dan berpikir selagi aku brtahan, modal strippingku lancar), tapi sembari berpikir begitu aku jg berpikir ada sesuatu yang nggak worthy disini, dan bener katamu kretivitasku mandeg, aku berusaha tetap menjalankan otakku hanya dengan baca dan baca (walopun fiction) aku merasa ada pekerjaan diluar sana yang jauh lebih worthy untuk dipertahankan walopun pada keadaan yang sama..

aku yakin bener dengan keputusanku..aku udah beberapa kali diperlakukan kayak gini (jadi tambel sulam, kyk pas joved di uph dulu). aku mau bangkit dan berhenti jadi kambing congek..

aku juga yakin apa yg kamu blg bener banget. ada sesuatu yang sudah mengusik rasa bertahanku..dan aku g bkl nahan lagi.

kata2 terakhrmu membuatku menitikkan air mata (bahasane cih) i love u for everythg tht u are…everythg..ooohhhh…jd pgn nangiss…

cupi cupi too..
cuddle and smooches and prayer and everything for you forever and ever..

————————————————————-

And the moral is………
This is it. People (yes, including ME)are always in the middle of struggling with their very own selves inside. Yeah, that is the only point i squeezed.

June 10th 2008; I got up in the morning, connected with the internet, signed in my Messenger account, and the weird conversation held with my so-called half-life:

Half Life (6/10/2008 8:38:16 AM): jenjrenggggggggggggggggggggggggg
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:38:19 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:38:22 AM): nguantuk berat aku mbelllllll
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:38:26 AM): nonton semalam
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:38:27 AM): lihat apa yg kauw lakukan di komen fs ku
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:38:31 AM): btw aku senangh italy kalah
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:38:32 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:38:33 AM): gila pertandingan itu muanstaf punyak
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:38:48 AM):  kaw membaca pikirNKU
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:38:56 AM): membaca?
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:39:07 AM): ya karena diisi 3 pemaen Milan yangs angat tidak berguna
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:10 AM): wes
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:12 AM): tai
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:16 AM): ga usah bawa2 milan!
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:20 AM): inggris loh malah ga lolos
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:39:21 AM): padahal lini tengah belanda bukan pemaen terkenal
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:22 AM):
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:25 AM): mbuh mbuh mbuh
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:39:25 AM): KENYATAANNYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:31 AM): bukan MILANNYA gebleg!!!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:39:31 AM): Inggris nggak lolos nggak papa
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:32 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:39:39 AM): wong paling Itali nggak sampe penyisihan
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:39:41 AM): wes males ngomong ma kamu
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:39:49 AM): ya kamu kenapa bawa2 Inggris?
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:39:50 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:39:53 AM): Milan fag!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:40:00 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:40:04 AM): Milan Shite!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:40:11 AM): :shakehand
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:41:12 AM): ampvoon
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:41:24 AM): ampvoon juragan
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:41:29 AM): onlen dimana mbel?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:41:36 AM): kampus
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:41:48 AM): ga tidur ta? jare ngantuk
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:41:48 AM): maw onlen sampe jam berapa mbel
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:41:57 AM): jam 11 an paling
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:41:59 AM): sebelum dzuhr
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:42:03 AM): iya ini lagi puas maki2 Itali dan Milan dulu di kaskus
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:42:15 AM): pengen liat reaksi mereka pas dibawah
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:42:31 AM): rasanya kau pengen ketawa2 ala sinchan didepan mereka
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:42:42 AM): kalo macam2 tak bunuh sampe ke mbah2nya
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:42:58 AM): pendukung Milan dan Italia halal darahnya >>> FPI mode : ON!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:43:31 AM): halah
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:43:48 AM): kamu itu menyebalkan
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:43:52 AM): sadar ndak seh?
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:44:11 AM): ampvoon
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:44:18 AM): makan ampunmu sendiri
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:44:28 AM): sadar nggak mbel aku menstimulasi dirimu
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:44:33 AM): biar keluar emosimu
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:44:36 AM): i dont buy you
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:44:40 AM): thanks, but no thanks
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:44:45 AM): yawe yawes
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:44:55 AM): dari tadi ngeliat kamu ga pentweng aku udah terstimulasi
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:45:05 AM): udh terangsang pengen nampar kamu sampe keluar otaknya lewat kuping
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:45:06 AM): yawes
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:45:10 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:45:17 AM): ok aku bobo dulu
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:45:22 AM): sudah puas aku eniwei
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:48:28 AM): eh sorry
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:48:32 AM): u dont deserve my anger
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:48:33 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:50:59 AM): mbel apa bedanya ahmadiyah sama syiah menurutmu?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:04 AM):
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:06 AM): ya jelas beda
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:12 AM): syi’ah itu masih patut disebut islam
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:17 AM): mereka syahadatin nya sama
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:20 AM): imannya sama
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:31 AM): berbeda mazhab masalah khilafah sahaja
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:35 AM): itu yg prinsip
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:51:37 AM): patut atau tidak patut standarnya sapa yang kasih?
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:51:45 AM): bukannya ada syiah yang mengakui ali sebagai nabi?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:49 AM): tapi ahmadiyah udah berurusan dengan kenabian
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:53 AM): ndak
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:54 AM):
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:57 AM): syiah ndak gitu
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:51:59 AM): ali bukan nabi
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:52:04 AM): ndak ada yg syiah bilang gitu
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:52:18 AM): ali sebagai pewaris syah risalah nya : artinya penerus ke khilafah-an
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:52:18 AM): gitu
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:52:48 AM): kok jadi inferior orang2 di Indon ini ya
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:52:50 AM): patiut atau tidka patut standarnya : syahadatnya; shalat kiblat mana; puasa aturannya kek gmana
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:52:56 AM): ahmadiyah itu ada berapa sih?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:52:57 AM): inferior yeapa?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:53:01 AM): ada satu
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:53:06 AM): ndak faktor2 lain yang lebih penting yang diutamakan
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:53:07 AM): dan udah dibekukan dr taun 82
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:53:16 AM): makanya fpi pake cara berdarah untuk menumpas
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:53:24 AM): nanti kalo misalnya ada penodaan advent itu yaapa?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:53:27 AM): faktor2 laen kek gmana?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:53:32 AM): sakkarepnya
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:53:40 AM): biar org advent yg mbunuhi mereka
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:53:44 AM): negara kok ngurusin akidah
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:53:56 AM): maen bunuh2an emang disini negara agama?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:54:00 AM): masalahnya; IMHO adalah ahmadiyah seharusnya tidak pake nama islam
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:54:08 AM): iya nama itu aja
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:54:13 AM): loh, ini negara yg melindungi kebebasan beragama
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:54:15 AM):
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:54:22 AM): nama itu mengandung banyak hal
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:54:25 AM): nama itu prinsip
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:54:42 AM): ini penyakit wong Islam dari dulu
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:54:47 AM): ngurusi yang nggak pnting
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:54:51 AM): nek ngaku nasrani tp ngakuin dewa dewi sebagai tuhannya pasti juga di protes ama kristen
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:54:53 AM): sodaranya pada miskin dibiarin
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:00 AM): itu penting mbing
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:55:01 AM): pada memperkaya diri snendiri
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:55:04 AM): memperkosa hak orang laen
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:10 AM): kamu udah kebentuk pola pikir sekulernya
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:12 AM):
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:17 AM): itu juga penting
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:20 AM): sekarang aku tanya
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:55:25 AM): apapun istilahnya yang pnting aku mendukung keberagaman
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:32 AM): keberagaman silahkan
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:55:35 AM): masalah iman dan akidah itu urusanku
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:36 AM): itu rahmat
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:39 AM): tp bukan penyesatan
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:55:43 AM): ini indonesia
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:51 AM): terus?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:54 AM): indonesia
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:55:55 AM): sesat ato tidak sesat itu standar siapa?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:55:56 AM): makanya
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:56:09 AM): kok maunya bikin islam mainstream
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:56:13 AM): hak org muslim juga dong mempertahankan keyakinannya; bahwa ahmadiyah menistakan islam
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:56:14 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:56:14 AM): yang nggak mainstream dibunuh
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:56:21 AM): selalu hak
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:56:22 AM): bukan mainstream apa ndak!
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:56:25 AM): wes
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:56:26 AM): nggak pernah mengutamakan kewajiban
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:56:29 AM): males ngomong ama kamu
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:56:31 AM): ga open minded
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:56:37 AM): nanti akhirnyaakhirnyua akan seperti itu
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:56:42 AM): tapi kamu nuduh org2 itu yg ga open minded
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:56:52 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:10 AM): justru orang yang dengan mudah menyesatkan orang itu yang nggak open mind
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:57:16 AM): see?
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:57:20 AM): bener kan omonganku
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:20 AM): KAMU SESAT!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:24 AM): AKU TIDAK SESAT!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:26 AM): DIA SESAT!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:33 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:36 AM): apa pulak itu
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:41 AM): bikin negar aagama
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:57:41 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:47 AM): beli poulau kecil
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:57:47 AM): ga produktif
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:57:52 AM): kamu tuh
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:57:57 AM): janganbiarkan satu helaipuin komponen kafir masuk
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:01 AM): jangan nonton fil;m barat
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:58:02 AM): gebleg
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:58:07 AM): males ngomong ambek wong gebleg
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:58:11 AM): silakan eksplore kemarahanku
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:13 AM): itu baru kaffah
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:58:16 AM): mudah2an allah menyadarkanmu
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:58:24 AM): sukur2 kamu diampuni dan dikasih hidayah
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:28 AM): dari kesesatanku?
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:32 AM): AKU SESAT!
Fatimah (6/10/2008 8:58:34 AM): whatever u may name it
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:35 AM): KAMU TIDAK SESAT!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:39 AM): DIA SESAT!
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:53 AM): wes aku tak bobo beneran
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:54 AM): dengan kesesatanku
Half Life (6/10/2008 8:58:57 AM): bye
Half Life (6/10/2008 9:56:24 AM):
Half Life (6/10/2008 9:56:24 AM): mau tidur g isa2 mbel
Half Life (6/10/2008 9:56:25 AM): aku datang lagi
Half Life (6/10/2008 9:56:25 AM): dalam dimensi yang berbeda klai ini
Half Life (6/10/2008 9:56:25 AM): mbel
Half Life (6/10/2008 9:56:25 AM): yawda

And here is my comment for you My Half Life; You couldn’t make it! You did not even a piece succeed to piss me off! Laughing Out Loud with the flawless victory up here. You intrigued my patience and it was running out, yet you did not succeed to piss me as i said in advance. Not you, not her, not him, not them, not me though. I have decided to live happily ever after and it’s a blessing from my God not even me can take it away. Smugly proud, hell yes!
Take it easy, my prayer shall always surround you still. For you (and others)  to feel the bliss within as i feel.

It feels like I slept for ages before i woke up and opened my eyes, only to assure myself that he is the first one i see as he promised me -though i barely never believe any promise somehow his words sounded convincing. There he was. Astonishing. Sitting next to me staring at my little opened watery eyes. Those eyes. The eyes i shall never forgot. It’s not about the shape, or even the colour. Something beneath those eyes that i could never understand. The complexion of regret and hope. As he told me; regret of the deeds in past, and hope for the next life. As the deeper i see, the more i feel. The magic connection is we don’t have to say even a word to feel each other. And i suddenly tearing as i realized that i might can’t take these too-much feeling. He was simply much better than i am able to describe.

The first words he said was, "I have kept my words, mademoiselle.." in a deep voice, a specific voice i have been recognized as his. Then he kissed my hand, with a smile of his. "You didn’t sleep?" i asked merely like a baby girl. And a smile shall answered it. As I arouse from the bed, I couldn’t stop myself to ask him, what lesson i could get today. As always, he asked me to be patient. Everything will come in the right time.

He took me to see the azure sky in a daylight. And show me the wonder of the world. And the only thing i wish was only; for time not to end. And yet, i knew, very much, it was impossible. "Do not let yourself keep thinking that is something difficult, it must be good for you. A tough challenge doesn’t always equal a good lesson in life. Sometimes, it’s just a pain in the neck."

" And yet, when you get something, you must be well-prepared of losing it, as nothing lasts for good..sooner or later it will be vanished, and the only thing matter is; your acceptance of whatever might happen." He taught me. "There are things beyond us, my love; The sooner we accept, the better." He continued. He stabbed my eyes with his. Deep down, i felt what he felt.

We spent the rest of day in silence. The beautiful silence.

First Name            : Fatimah
Last Name             : Alkaff
Badge I.D               : Alkaff
Default coordinate  : Delta position
Height/Weight        : 5′1"ft/106lb
AEG                        : AK 47 Assault Riffle
Speciality                : Effectively silent killing, mostly invincible due to tiny size

Some people started their life as the series of alphabet, started by A then  B and ended to Z. Not about this person. He started his life backwards, as if the Z alphabet to the A, according to his says. Allow me to write about him in my journal as my deep gratitude for his presence in my life. I spent most of my 24 hours life with him, and i left him only when I sleep and am praying. He is the greatest figure of my sight, not only because he is my guide to walk in my Lord’s path, but  also he is the one and only whom i knew very well in my life. Yes, more than any member of my family. If you think i am about to exaggerating all this stuff about him, feel free to quit and close this page. I myself would never appreciate dishonesty as well, but unfortunately what I experienced with him is a real moment, until now. My first question to him is about the sequence of his life, why does he mentioned it -backwards. And his answer simply mere, "Because my life had just ended before it began.."
"My life ended first then i live my real life stage.." he continues. Then he started to tell me about how he live his -so called- real life currently. How his full regret of the mostly deceived, betrayed, and full-of-disguised life before his "reborn".
"I was oftenly stare at the mirror just assuring it was still me there." At this point i was almost open my mouth and shout that-was-the-real-thing-i-did-so-many-times, yet -thank God i never did it (otherwise he would stop telling me the story and i would more likely to lose my chance of learning from this great man). "A little lies are a bit tolerable though it’d never be acceptable anyway, but lots of disguises are the real prison for yourself." Je t’accord- i think. "And every piece of them will suck you and swallow your life, day by day, to the deep dark hollow although it wasn’t you did it all."
"Eventually, you just have to die to start all over again…."
Ah, i got it now. You died to start you life? Just because too many lies?
"No dear… No.. I was a true sinner, indeed but i am not a cliche man" i heard you talk with the cute chuckle. "There are a whole lot more things i would like to tell you.. Yet i am merely worried that if I told you all my misery and catastrophe happened in my life both, done by me or others, you will quite mystified with them.."
"Why don’t you just sleep tight tonight" you said while covering me with that comfort thick blanket in the freezing night. At that moment, you really made me feel so much secure in bliss. "I will be the first thing you see when you open my eyes, ma petite mademoiselle..".

Bonne nuit, le professeur de ma Vie…

I assure you it irritates me more to write this than you to read this. Being boiled in a boiling water kettle -or so called, L-I-F-E, is a super-duper-never-ending story, the worst (or the best, perhaps?!) is it wouldn’t stop only by your last breath. Here is the fact. Bon Apetite.

I had been possessing nothing in my life, then i suddenly had almost-everything in my fist, yet they’re all gone.The highlight is not on the having-and-not-having part, or how-it-could-be-possibly-happened, but it’s more likely to how you (or-ME?!) take the best actions to overcome and handle all those troubleshoots. For me, it’s not a quite easy thing, to transform myself from a philosophical minded person to “practical” person. Really, i trembled when i wrote those word. “Practical”. Nothing wrong with that. It just godforsaking hard to push yourself out of the cozy and warm blanket to the real snowy world (and i am so mumbled to make this analogy, sheesh.. what am I?!). How to handle and overcome the problem occures is not the only thing to do. The second is how you, sorry I meant ME learn not to be slipped in the same way and also to handle such similar problems.

Honestly i dont have any idea what the heck i’m talking about here, does anyone know? I’m sure noone knows! I just want to show you all, people who would have time to read this garbage, all the attributes, sophisticated words, a measurable degree, certificates and everything you earn meant NOTHING, yes, an absolute NOTHING to help you here and in the hereafter.

If anyone could figure out what i meant, the last one, please, dont be hestitate to contact me.

Cheers.